prince of trail mix

queerandpheasantstranger:

theselfmademen:

The Self Made Men

June 10, 2012

As of today, June 10th 2012, The Self Made Men have severed professional ties with their West Coast Representative, Ira Dalton Gray. On the morning of June 8^th, 2012 The Self Made Men were made aware of rape allegations brought upon Mr. Gray. After careful consideration amongst the staff, they have decided to let Mr. Gray go as a representative and member of the company.

He will no longer be affiliated with The Self Made Men from today forward. 

props

word

projectqueer:

On my personal blog, someone asked what I thought about the discussion regarding Ira Gray and accusations of him being a serial rapist. Then a request was made for me to make my response rebloggable and also to post it here on Project Queer.

The following is the original question and my response.

Anonymous asked:

TW: rape —— what do you think of the discussion going around tumblr regarding IRa Gray involving rape accusations?

My response is as follows:

Firstly, I would like to apologise for taking awhile to respond to this. I have worked 20 hours in the past 48 and have had limited internet access in that time.

In regards to your question, I found out about the rape accusations about 24 hours ago. It makes me feel sick. Ira has been an active voice in the trans* and queer communities for a long time now. This being brought to light changes everything for me - and everyone who has ever looked up to Ira, confided in him, sought advice or education from him, etc. What really stuck out to me in the whole scenario is how Ira responded to the rape accusations. This makes me feel even sicker. (You can read his response here. TW: rape) After reading that, I could not even form words. I was just appalled.

However, missvoltairine has done an excellent job of conveying what I think about it in this post:

http://bloodmouthprince.tumblr.com/post/24756248875/ira-gray-translated-tw-rape-rape-apologism-ableism#notes

If you would like to know more about what happened, you can check out the accusations from two different folks here, here, and here. One of the folks goes into an in-depth explanation of what happened here.

(TW: Before you click any of the aforementioned links, please be aware that the links have detailed accounts of rape, rape apologism.)

If you have any questions, the survivors have made themselves available and open - just remember to be respectful. If anyone would like to comment or discuss this, I am open to it as well. This sort of thing cannot be ignored, tolerated, or otherwise dismissed - no matter who the person is. It needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.

If you want to help, here is a guide for how to do so:

http://bloodmouthprince.tumblr.com/post/24759900234/for-those-who-want-to-join-the-fight-against-ira-gray

queercakes:

So why aren’t the trans men on tumblr speaking out about the Ira Gray rape accusations?

I get it. It’s shitty to realize someone you looked up to is a rapist. It sucks. It makes you feel foolish for listening to him. It makes you disappointed. It’s hard to admit. 

But do you know what’s harder than coming to the realization that someone you thought was a good person is actually a rapist?

Being raped.

At least four people have come forward with accusations of rape and sexual assault. That should be enough evidence, everyone. One accusation should be enough. These people need support. Ira needs to leave tumblr, leave his post with Self Made Men and stop claiming he’s an advocate. It’s time to step up and acknowledge that he’s not actually a good guy, but a rapist.

I know it’s shitty. I just found out last week that someone I considered a close friend was actually violently abusing their girlfriend. It was hard to hear that. I didn’t want to believe it was true. But it was much harder for their girlfriend to finally come forward and share the hell that she had been subjected to. 

It’s not about how hard this is for you to watch a former role model fall from grace. It’s about at least four people who have been victimized. So it’s time to stand up and speak out against this asshole. He can no longer be a voice for trans men and transmasculine people. We can’t let him win.

bloodmouthprince:

missvoltairine:

“I check in to the point of annoyance” = I coerce people by pestering them constantly after they’ve said no

“There is no such thing as 100% good consent” = I don’t believe there is such a thing as 100% good consent because I’ve never practiced it with my partners and I refuse to believe that my sexual practices are predatory as fuck, so I’m just going to normalize my non-consensual activities

“They asked me for guidance with chronological lying and asked me not to tell anyone” = I have no problem using confidential information about a former partner’s mental health and anxiety issues against them despite the fact that they asked me not to share that information with anyone.

“I don’t always have he best emotional response when someone tells me to stop” = I react to being told “no” and “stop” with emotional abuse and coercion.

“I sometimes forget to ask before doing certain things.” = I skirt accountability for my sexual assaults by minimizing the full nature and impact of my actions, reducing my rapes to “forgetting” to ask before doing “certain things”.

“I don’t want this to turn into a smear campaign, because it’s not about that.” = I absolutely want to turn this into a smear campaign, otherwise I wouldn’t bother denying that I wanted to turn this into a smear campaign before revealing private, personal information about my victims.

“Originally, we came to the conclusion that good consent wasn’t being practiced by either of us and resulted in both of us feeling violated.” = They told me that I violated their boundaries and sexually assaulted them long before taking their stories public, but I dismissed this under the guise of “mutual abuse”.

“The other person and I had a conversation earlier on in our relationship. It was about my depression, their depression, and how they interact or may interact.” = I use my partners’ mental health issues against them (again).

” I miscommunicated that and it came out really misogynistic despite my intention” = I am a misogynist.

“I will always perpetuate misogyny despite my best efforts” = I am an unrepentant misogynist.

“they said there were things they could have done differently” = I use/d their very common, natural survivors-guilt/self-blame response against them in order to absolve myself of responsibility for my rape(s).

“I acknowledged that I don’t always practice the best consent” = I am a rapist.

“if I say I’m not a rapist, then I’ll be an apologist” followed by “I am not a rapist” = I am a rapist and a rape apologist.

“I will perpetuate rape culture and have done so despite my beliefs and efforts. I don’t expect or desire to be absolved of these things” = “I am an unrepentant rapist and rape apologist.

Conclusion: Literally every thing Ira Gray says is a huge red flag, to the point where if you ever hear anyone else saying things like this, you should probably run far, far away from them.

All of this is accurate.   

queerandpheasantstranger:

(trigger warning: sexual violence, relationship abuse)

we are not gonna mess with telling you more that what’s already been said. here’s what we want you to do:

— write an open letter taking full responsibility for your rapes of e.w. and lauren, and your abuse of us and any other partners. do not mince words, do not explain yourself, just say outright that you are a serial rapist, are terrible at consent, are a violent misogynist in both beliefs and practice, and have been an abusive partner in the majority of your relationships. send this letter to every organization that has ever given you a platform, including: the orange county ftm group, the arizona transmasculine society, TRACK, arizona state university’s lgbtq coalition, and the huffington post.

— resign from any positions of power you hold. that includes the self made men, az feminist action network, one in ten, phoenix youth pride, and any other positions that include you working with people who do not have access to male privilege. 

— take down your blog, your youtube channel, and any other “educational” platforms you may manage. never again give a workshop, run or organize a lecture, accept a speaking position, or ever spout your brand of “activism” before another human being. explicitly renounce your role as an educator. do not ever again refer to yourself as an activist, a role model, a teacher, an example, or an ally (even aspiring).

— do not participate in any activist events, meetings, online forums, protests, workshops, parties, or any other gatherings, in person or online. remove yourself from any community where you might interact with someone who does not have access male privilege, or where you might convince someone who has access to male privilege to act as you have.

— do not EVER contact e.w. or lauren ever again. do not contact our friends or family members. relinquish all claims to shared social and activist circles to us. do not contact our mutual acquaintances to talk about us. do not read our blogs. do not read our facebooks. basically, remove yourself entirely from our lives, forever.

signed,

e.w. (queerandpheasantstranger) and lauren (bloodmouthprince)

(to our supporters, please spread this letter around.)

(Source: themisandristwhore)