prince of trail mix

trashydyke:

don’t think i wasn’t dead serious about the queer tumblr network

do you identify as queer

do you like posting glittery fabulous shit in your online queendom

would you watch lisa frank porn or participate in its creation

do you have trouble imagining an existence that ISN’T enthusiastically sex positive

are you sick of the binary and normative shit that oppresses others

are you hard soft butch femme fag dyke queen power bottom top bear shark or all of the above

does your tumblr reflect your sparkly fierceass personality and love for said aesthetic

reblog this post if you wanna get in on this tumblr network, or reblog out of support/love

QUEERS GOTTA STICK TOGETHER

allthevalidation:

As hard as it can be, sometimes you have to step away from your partner.

The key word to describe your partner is not that they are gender-variant or transgender or DFAB or genderqueer or transmasculine - it is that they are a person. When it comes down to it, they are really just people - and that means they can be negative influences on your life.
They can be destructive.
They can be damaging.
They can be hurtful.  
They can be abusive, mentally or physically.

It can be difficult being in a relationship with a trans*person sometimes because it can feel like you are the only person who really sees them as they are, and that you have a responsibility to continue seeing them as they really are.

But first and foremost, you have a responsibility to yourself.
You have a responsibility to care for yourself, and to keep yourself happy and healthy.

If you are being a caring, respectful and loving individual in your relationship and they are not being caring, respectful, and loving, then they are doing something wrong.
And even if it will hurt you for a little while to break up with them, if they are abusing you in any way, at least take a break.
Go away for a weekend. Spend some time away from them.

And if they are abusing you, leave them behind.
Leaving an abuser does NOT make you a bad ally.
Leaving an abuser does NOT make you a bad human being.

If you leave behind an abuser, you are being incredibly brave and strong.
You are not abandoning them - you are saving yourself.

xo Roxie

Thoughts? Questions?

another perfect post from Roxie at All The Validation. 

allthevalidation:

1.      What does losing my/their virginity mean now?

2.      What is okay with them physically?

3.      Do I have to “come out”?

4.      Am I [insert sexual orientation]?

5.      What is the definition of sex now?

6.      What is their body like?

7.      What does dysphoria mean?

8.      What do I tell people?

9.      How do I tell people?

10.     What’s the difference between telling the people I need to tell what’s          going on with me and outing him?

11.  What is the (mental and/or physical) process for them?

12.  Am I going to be in danger?

13. Am I no longer [insert sexual orientation]?

It’s okay to wonder about these and any other questions you may have. It’s realistic to worry a little, because you can feel as if you are in largely grey and unexplored territory - this isn’t exactly a super common thing.

The fact is, it’s more common than most people think, but it’s not something that is very well “out there”. Trust me, you have peers out there who have thought the exact same things you are thinking now.

Thoughts? Questions?

allthevalidation:

Boyfriend’s boundaries change.

Which is okay.

My boundaries change.

The fact is, sometime he’s okay with certain things, and sometimes he’s more dysphoric and certain things can make that worse. Sometimes something that was fine for weeks, that was fine yesterday, can be not okay.

Consent is not a constant. If someone gives you consent to do something once, it doesn’t mean that it’s alright from then on.

I’m not trying to make you feel guilty or ashamed. I’m trying to stress that it’s normal for their boundaries to change, for them to decide that they don’t want you to touch them in a certain way or certain place.

What’s worked out easiest for Boyfriend and I is to discuss issues as they crop up - like, mid-makeout session fairly early on, I broke off to ask him about touching his chest (through his shirt and binder). He told me it was alright if I stayed outside his clothes and stayed above his collarbone.

Over time, we adjusted these boundaries. But it made things so much easier when we talked about what was okay and what was not before we ran into things neither of us was ready for.

Another thing we did later on was that when I would accidentally push a boundary, he’d just let me know, I’d make a mental note, and we’d move on. Business as usual.

It can make it easier to not treat it like it’s a huge deal. After the umpteenth your or their boundaries change, it’s really not. Ask what’s okay, what’s not - and then move on. If you need to process and discuss, that’s perfectly valid - but if you are going to be involved with a trans*man, it may actually become fairly routine.

Basically, I fucking love consent.

It is one of the best things ever.

Because, frankly, it makes things a hell of a lot easier.

Trust me, it’s way better to ask right before sex if anything has changed since last time than not asking and stumbling into some sad, dysphoric sex.

Bottom line?

• Ask them what’s okay and what’s not okay.
  
• Ask what the boundaries are.
• Consent is the bomb.

Thoughts? Questions?

Oh lord, this is the best fucking thing.

fuckyeahsexeducation:

Anon:don’t you think there’s a difference between ignorance and not giving a crap? that Lady Gaga post bothered me only because it basically claimed she’s ill-intentioned and doesn’t care about her fans. playing with identity is something she does a lot, and it’s not an act unique to her; though i agree that what she’s done is problematic, everyone is making her out to be a bad person, and i definitely don’t think that’s so. also, the whole, “oh, here we go” thing is taken out of context.

Answer:I definitely don’t think she doesn’t care about her fans and I don’t really think that that’s what that post was claiming. What everyone has to remember is Lady Gaga is a trained performer. She is an ACTOR. The way she treats her personas is as such. She gets into character. The problem is that she dedicated this to trans people, and played it off as a move of solidarity when she has no clue what it’s like to be trans. When she plays Jo she gets to use male bathrooms and no one cares because she’s Lady Gaga. That’s not what it’s like for actual trans people. She puts herself on a pedestal for gay rights and equal rights in general but she doesn’t do any of the research that it takes to be a good leader. She is constantly doing problematic things, like use wheelchairs and other disability images as props without ever once addressing disability issues, even leaving that out of her song which is supposed to epitomize being awesome the way you are. Also in that song she uses several racial slurs, and leaves out a lot of minorities. Now, I have heard awesome stories about Lady Gaga on trans issues, the person she kisses in the telephone video is trans and identifies with male pronouns and she made a point to find this out and use it. That’s awesome. But in the same video she makes a point to point out that she doesn’t have a penis, and the way she addressed those rumors in general were really bad. She said “I am a real woman” as if trans women weren’t. I think we do need to always point out problematic things celebrities do, especially those that are supposedly “gay icons”. Just like when I talk about problematic things Dan Savage or Buck Angel says, or when I talk about Neil Patrick Harris using the word “Tranny” or Ru Paul saying that people who get offended at the word “tranny” are just oversensitive. These are people that supposedly fight for us, and yet they are doing these horrible alienating problematic things. We need to be critical of everything we consume in the media. 

This. Always this.