prince of trail mix

I get being misgendered. I mean, I didn’t today, what with the packing and the binding and the actual effort put into masculine presentation or whatever, but in general, I only pass 50% of the time, tops. So that wasn’t the issue. 

The issue was my boss saying that it’s okay to misgender me because everyone else does. 

No. Sir, Bossman, I disagree with that statement. 

For a little context: This particular employer of mine has never known me in another gender expression. Early in my first shift I sat down with him and his partner/my other employer, and talked to them about my preferred name and pronouns. So that would’ve been the beginning of May 24 weekend. That was quite a while ago, and there was nothing to adjust from. So, what’s been happening is that every single interaction I have with him involves him misgendering me, using creepy terms of endearment (good girl, little lady, etc) and when I correct his pronoun usage, he just brushes it off and states, “I’m sorry BUT I’m adjusting.” Adjusting. You’re fucking adjusting? NO. My parents are adjusting. My brother is adjusting. My friends are adjusting. You, sir, don’t see me as male because I don’t have the kind of cock you’re into. You don’t respect me enough to use my proper name and pronouns, and you have no qualms about using them in front of other people that know me and that I work with, who also consistently misgender me because of YOU. If you’re going to apologize, fucking apologize. Don’t say “I’m sorry BUT”. That invalidates your apology.

Trainer, look! Your A P O L O G Y is evolving! 

Your A P O L O G Y evolved into 

An E X C U S E !

Do you want to give your E X C U S E a nickname? 

Okay, enough with the pokemon references. Sorry. Anyway, back to my point though - Grant is a fucking scumbag and he doesn’t respect me enough as a human to even validate my identity. I’ve been working four days a week since end of May. Certainly that’s enough time to adjust when you have nothing to adjust from, right? 

Anyway, what the fuck do I do about this? I’m getting paid under the table and I’m not unionized. 

Three more weekends. Three more weekends. 

projectqueer:

On my personal blog, someone asked what I thought about the discussion regarding Ira Gray and accusations of him being a serial rapist. Then a request was made for me to make my response rebloggable and also to post it here on Project Queer.

The following is the original question and my response.

Anonymous asked:

TW: rape —— what do you think of the discussion going around tumblr regarding IRa Gray involving rape accusations?

My response is as follows:

Firstly, I would like to apologise for taking awhile to respond to this. I have worked 20 hours in the past 48 and have had limited internet access in that time.

In regards to your question, I found out about the rape accusations about 24 hours ago. It makes me feel sick. Ira has been an active voice in the trans* and queer communities for a long time now. This being brought to light changes everything for me - and everyone who has ever looked up to Ira, confided in him, sought advice or education from him, etc. What really stuck out to me in the whole scenario is how Ira responded to the rape accusations. This makes me feel even sicker. (You can read his response here. TW: rape) After reading that, I could not even form words. I was just appalled.

However, missvoltairine has done an excellent job of conveying what I think about it in this post:

http://bloodmouthprince.tumblr.com/post/24756248875/ira-gray-translated-tw-rape-rape-apologism-ableism#notes

If you would like to know more about what happened, you can check out the accusations from two different folks here, here, and here. One of the folks goes into an in-depth explanation of what happened here.

(TW: Before you click any of the aforementioned links, please be aware that the links have detailed accounts of rape, rape apologism.)

If you have any questions, the survivors have made themselves available and open - just remember to be respectful. If anyone would like to comment or discuss this, I am open to it as well. This sort of thing cannot be ignored, tolerated, or otherwise dismissed - no matter who the person is. It needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.

If you want to help, here is a guide for how to do so:

http://bloodmouthprince.tumblr.com/post/24759900234/for-those-who-want-to-join-the-fight-against-ira-gray

cardboardmoose:

also

does anyone know of any good guides for parents of trans* kids?

i need one to give my parents

i’m reading the gendered intelligence one right now and it’s…rubbing me up entirely the wrong way by basically saying “the most important thing is the comfort of the family” rather than “the most important thing is the mental wellbeing of the trans* person”

which is definitely not the message i want my family to get

and it seriously just advocated the use of the phrase “sex change” because it’s “easier”

so fuck that

anyone?

allthevalidation:

1.      What does losing my/their virginity mean now?

2.      What is okay with them physically?

3.      Do I have to “come out”?

4.      Am I [insert sexual orientation]?

5.      What is the definition of sex now?

6.      What is their body like?

7.      What does dysphoria mean?

8.      What do I tell people?

9.      How do I tell people?

10.     What’s the difference between telling the people I need to tell what’s          going on with me and outing him?

11.  What is the (mental and/or physical) process for them?

12.  Am I going to be in danger?

13. Am I no longer [insert sexual orientation]?

It’s okay to wonder about these and any other questions you may have. It’s realistic to worry a little, because you can feel as if you are in largely grey and unexplored territory - this isn’t exactly a super common thing.

The fact is, it’s more common than most people think, but it’s not something that is very well “out there”. Trust me, you have peers out there who have thought the exact same things you are thinking now.

Thoughts? Questions?

oh-voldey-voldemort:

I will never understand it. If you don’t like a trans* person because of their personality, fine, but not liking someone else because they are trans* is ridiculous. Yes, I expect it from many uneducated cis-gender people BUT when it comes from other trans* people I just falm-palm for days. It’s absurd! Hating someone because they transition a different way than you is not cool, you don’t have to agree with them but shaming them because of it is absolutely ridiculous. 

hold the fuck up, this is a thing?

what?

WE’RE ALL HEADING IN THE DIRECTION OF PROPER INDIVIDUAL EXPRESSION

THAT IS LIKE HATING SOMEONE FOR RIDING A TRAIN BECAUSE YOU PREFER CARS

WHAT THE FUCK

ceasesilence:

i-could-use-a-hand:

ceasesilence:

If you are using a gendered restroom, and there is someone in there that you think looks they belong in the other gendered restroom, but they are just peeing/washing their hands/fixing their makeup in the mirror/etc and not harassing you, please DO NOT:

• call the police
• ask or tell them that they’re in the wrong bathroom
• yell at them
• beat them up
• threaten to hurt them in any way
• whisper about them to your cis friends while they are still in the room
• otherwise act hostile, threatening, or violent

Thank you. 

This has been a public service announcement.

Thank you for this. Can we get this posted everywhere? I might even print some out.

Ooh maybe print it out and post it in restrooms?!

exorcistor:

• Please use language that corresponds to my gender identity, even if my body does not seem to match, and even when talking about my past.
• If you are still adjusting to my transition, it is normal to make mistakes with pronouns. Don’t draw attention to it. Just correct yourself and carry on.
• A transsexual woman is a male-to-female. A transsexual man is a female-to-male. It is never the other way around. Though sometimes it is referred to as male-to-male, or female-to-female because individuals may not have ever identified as the opposite gender and don’t see it as a transition from one to the other, rather an alignment of body and mind.
• Don’t assume my gender identity defines my sexual orientation. Who I am attracted to is totally separate from my gender. If I am a transsexual man who likes men, treat me no differently than any other gay man. 
• Don’t expect me to conform to stereotypes of my gender. I wear clothes I like and I have a variety of interests, just like everyone else. There is no need to point out which of my behaviors are “boy actions” and “girl actions”.
• Please don’t use my old name or ask what it was. Instead of saying “back when you were _____” or “when you were a girl” say “before you came out as a man” or “prior to your transition”. 
• Don’t use my name in the 3rd person as if I was someone else, i.e. “Are you dressing as Jack now?”
• If you use the word transsexual (or trans), it’s better to use it as an adjective to describe a person, not as a noun, i.e. trans people, trans man, trans woman. 
• Don’t assume that I have chosen to be a transsexual person. The only choice I have made is whether or not to accept my situation and fix it to live a healthier life as I see fit. 

Another very helpful list of things to think about when addressing a person going through transition, brought to you by theselfmademen!

projectqueer:

Trans Etiquette 101: No Offense, But That’s Offensive

pronounnotfound:

transpride:

1. Ask permission to ask questions. Even if you think you know they are comfortable answering, they may actually not be or maybe not in that setting, and it is just rude and pretty off-putting to not ask. Say, “Hey do you mind if I ask you some things about your transition? I’ve been a little curious – feel free to not answer or say no.”

2. Avoid private and personal questions. Even a so-called open book like me doesn’t want to discuss my sex life with most anyone. If you really want to know about trans men and sex, ask in general terms – i.e. “Are many trans men ‘stone butch’ in bed?” vs. “Are you stone butch in bed?” BIG difference.

3. Do not ask questions that in any way challenge the trans person’s gender identity or expression or could obviously lead to dysphoria. Do NOT, for example, ask if a trans man will grow to be ‘average male height’ or if a trans woman is uncomfortable with the size of her hands. I’ve gotten, “Are you ever going to look your age?” Ouch, honey.

4. Phrase your questions in a way that affirms a trans person’s gender. And avoid anything that defines the trans person in terms of who they once “were.” This is pretty simple, actually. Instead of asking if someone is “still legally female,” ask what the steps are to becoming legally male and if they have completed them.

5. Avoid comparisons to non-trans people and never use the term “real” in distinguishing between transgender and non-transgender people. “Cisgender” or “non-trans” are the only appropriate ways to signify non-trans status.

6. If it is a general question, try Google first. There is a lot of information on the internet and an open trans person should not be a stand-in for your own research.

7. Do not ask what the person’s birth name was. There is absolutely no reason for you to need to know this and it is likely something this person wants distance from. It is a particularly offensive question when phrased, “What is your REAL name.” After all, Sebastian is my real name and has been since I started asking people to use it.

8. Request specific permission to ask questions relating to genitalia, even if you’ve already received general permission to ask other personal questions. “Are you comfortable discussing your genitalia?” Chances are they aren’t. After all, do you want to talk about yours? But some people are and I acknowledge that there is definitely education needed on the topic so I am not opposed entirely to asking questions, as long as you get extra permission first.

9. Be wary of your phrasing. If you aren’t sure how to talk about trans issues, you need to announce that in the beginning. Be open to correction and don’t get defensive if a trans person is offended by something you say. As a heads up, don’t refer to a trans person as their previously-assigned gender – don’t say “when you were a girl” to a trans man for example. A more accurate and safer route is “before you transitioned” or “when you were living as a girl.”

10. Be aware of your setting. These are private conversations. Don’t approach someone at a crowded party or in algebra class and expect them to have a trans chat with you.

11. Be sensitive to the person’s comfort level throughout the conversation. If they’ve given you permission but are obviously growing uncomfortable discussing things, don’t press. Be grateful for the information you’ve gained and change the subject.

12. Respect the person’s privacy. Unless this person stated otherwise, the personal information they gave you is not for you to share with the world.

this this this this THIS

(Source: transpride)