Showing posts tagged transmasculine

okay so let me point out everything that’s wrong with that conversation

I get being misgendered. I mean, I didn’t today, what with the packing and the binding and the actual effort put into masculine presentation or whatever, but in general, I only pass 50% of the time, tops. So that wasn’t the issue. 

The issue was my boss saying that it’s okay to misgender me because everyone else does. 

No. Sir, Bossman, I disagree with that statement. 

For a little context: This particular employer of mine has never known me in another gender expression. Early in my first shift I sat down with him and his partner/my other employer, and talked to them about my preferred name and pronouns. So that would’ve been the beginning of May 24 weekend. That was quite a while ago, and there was nothing to adjust from. So, what’s been happening is that every single interaction I have with him involves him misgendering me, using creepy terms of endearment (good girl, little lady, etc) and when I correct his pronoun usage, he just brushes it off and states, “I’m sorry BUT I’m adjusting.” Adjusting. You’re fucking adjusting? NO. My parents are adjusting. My brother is adjusting. My friends are adjusting. You, sir, don’t see me as male because I don’t have the kind of cock you’re into. You don’t respect me enough to use my proper name and pronouns, and you have no qualms about using them in front of other people that know me and that I work with, who also consistently misgender me because of YOU. If you’re going to apologize, fucking apologize. Don’t say “I’m sorry BUT”. That invalidates your apology.

Trainer, look! Your A P O L O G Y is evolving! 

Your A P O L O G Y evolved into 

An E X C U S E !

Do you want to give your E X C U S E a nickname? 

Okay, enough with the pokemon references. Sorry. Anyway, back to my point though - Grant is a fucking scumbag and he doesn’t respect me enough as a human to even validate my identity. I’ve been working four days a week since end of May. Certainly that’s enough time to adjust when you have nothing to adjust from, right? 

Anyway, what the fuck do I do about this? I’m getting paid under the table and I’m not unionized. 

Three more weekends. Three more weekends. 

SELF-CARE: When to Step Away

allthevalidation:

As hard as it can be, sometimes you have to step away from your partner.

The key word to describe your partner is not that they are gender-variant or transgender or DFAB or genderqueer or transmasculine - it is that they are a person. When it comes down to it, they are really just people - and that means they can be negative influences on your life.
They can be destructive.
They can be damaging.
They can be hurtful.  
They can be abusive, mentally or physically.

It can be difficult being in a relationship with a trans*person sometimes because it can feel like you are the only person who really sees them as they are, and that you have a responsibility to continue seeing them as they really are.

But first and foremost, you have a responsibility to yourself.
You have a responsibility to care for yourself, and to keep yourself happy and healthy.

If you are being a caring, respectful and loving individual in your relationship and they are not being caring, respectful, and loving, then they are doing something wrong.
And even if it will hurt you for a little while to break up with them, if they are abusing you in any way, at least take a break.
Go away for a weekend. Spend some time away from them.

And if they are abusing you, leave them behind.
Leaving an abuser does NOT make you a bad ally.
Leaving an abuser does NOT make you a bad human being.

If you leave behind an abuser, you are being incredibly brave and strong.
You are not abandoning them - you are saving yourself.

xo Roxie

Thoughts? Questions?

another perfect post from Roxie at All The Validation. 

(Reblogged from allthevalidation)

Sex: Consent Is One of My Favourite Things

allthevalidation:

Boyfriend’s boundaries change.

Which is okay.

My boundaries change.

The fact is, sometime he’s okay with certain things, and sometimes he’s more dysphoric and certain things can make that worse. Sometimes something that was fine for weeks, that was fine yesterday, can be not okay.

Consent is not a constant. If someone gives you consent to do something once, it doesn’t mean that it’s alright from then on.

I’m not trying to make you feel guilty or ashamed. I’m trying to stress that it’s normal for their boundaries to change, for them to decide that they don’t want you to touch them in a certain way or certain place.

What’s worked out easiest for Boyfriend and I is to discuss issues as they crop up - like, mid-makeout session fairly early on, I broke off to ask him about touching his chest (through his shirt and binder). He told me it was alright if I stayed outside his clothes and stayed above his collarbone.

Over time, we adjusted these boundaries. But it made things so much easier when we talked about what was okay and what was not before we ran into things neither of us was ready for.

Another thing we did later on was that when I would accidentally push a boundary, he’d just let me know, I’d make a mental note, and we’d move on. Business as usual.

It can make it easier to not treat it like it’s a huge deal. After the umpteenth your or their boundaries change, it’s really not. Ask what’s okay, what’s not - and then move on. If you need to process and discuss, that’s perfectly valid - but if you are going to be involved with a trans*man, it may actually become fairly routine.

Basically, I fucking love consent.

It is one of the best things ever.

Because, frankly, it makes things a hell of a lot easier.

Trust me, it’s way better to ask right before sex if anything has changed since last time than not asking and stumbling into some sad, dysphoric sex.

Bottom line?

  • Ask them what’s okay and what’s not okay.
  • Ask what the boundaries are.
  • Consent is the bomb.

Thoughts? Questions?

Oh lord, this is the best fucking thing.

(Reblogged from allthevalidation)

The Safe Space Network

safespacenetwork:

Links

This List will be updated as we find, receive or create new resources. If for any reason you would like to voice a complaint, or a concern over the behaviour displayed by these blogs, I direct you to our ask box:

(Now in Alphabetical Order)

Agender
Androgyny
Aromantic

Asexual

Autism Spectrum / Asperger’s


BDSM / Kink

Bisexual

Body Positivity
Chronic Illness
Closeted
Demisexual
Disabled / Disability
Emergency Housing Networks

Gay

Genderqueer, Genderfuck and/or Genderfluid

 Gender Variant and/or Non-Binary

Gray-A Asexual

HIV POSITIVE

Interracial Couples:
Intersex

Lesbian

LGBTQ/ Queer (General)

Mental Health
Mixed Race

Neutrois

Other

Otherkin

Pansexual

Sex Education and Sex Positivity

Trans*:

         Feminist

         AMAB, Transfeminine and/or MTF

         AFAB, Transmasculine and/or FTM

         Trans* Femme

Have any sites that we should know about?

LET US KNOW!

~Maddy

Any corrections, thoughts, feelings or comments can be directed to;

-The Safe Space Network

(Reblogged from safespacenetwork)